


My Love, Take Your Time

by Multishipperlove



Series: Trans Vax'ildan [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Family Reunions, Gen, Trans Male Character, Trans Vax'ildan (Critical Role), and of Elaina herself, idealised depiction of motherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22084198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multishipperlove/pseuds/Multishipperlove
Summary: When the Raven Queen comes to claim him, Vax sees his mother waiting for him on the other side. And as much as he has ever dreamed of this reunion, it doesn't come without a certain amount of apprehension. After all, the last time they saw each other, his mother said good bye to her two twin daughters. Now he is anything but the little girl she remembers.
Series: Trans Vax'ildan [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609090
Kudos: 91





	My Love, Take Your Time

Vax moves with heavy feet. Snow drops in his wake, he slowly, carefully, comes to pay a debt that was incurred what feels like a lifetime ago. A last look over his shoulder and then he is swallowed by darkness.

It feels familiar this time. At first there is a slight panic when he can't breath, can't will any air into his lungs no matter how hard he tries, and all he gets is mouth after mouth full of water. He's drowning, and then- realizes once more that he is not. His body relaxes, stops fighting the tide and lets it swell in him. It's calm. 

Vax opens his eyes. 

It's not the empty darkness he was expecting. There are no red threads encircling him or spinning webs, no porcelain mask to be seen. Instead he's standing at the edge of a courtyard, on a stone pathway that leads right to a big oak tree in the middle. A slight breeze is going, rustling through the leaves, and he can pick out the voices of a few different birds here and there. 

At first, he doesn't move. Whatever this is, it wasn't what he expected when he left, and with tears still dripping down his cheeks and his friends', lover's, sister's expression still burned into his mind, he can't make sense of it either. But the path before him is lined with snow drops, so he takes a few steps forward, just wanting to get a closer look. 

Which is when he notices the bench for the first time. Right under the tree, he's not sure how he missed it, and for a second he thinks it's Keyleth sitting there. 

But then he recognises the dress. The hair is darker, too, and there are no sharp ears poking out at the sides. He takes another step closer, not sure if he can trust his eyes. 

“...Mother?” 

As if some kind of spell has been broken by his words, the woman gets up. And Vax still cannot believe his eyes, but it is, indeed, his mother. Not a day older than the time they said goodbye to each other for the last time.

He remembers it clearly. Both he and his sister had cried, terribly upset at the idea of leaving her, and even though she'd been trying to hide it, she hadn't fared much better. After making sure that no toy or stuffed animal had been displaced, that they had all the clothes they would need and some comfort food for the road, she had drawn both children into a tight embrace. She'd kissed their hair, dried their tears, and then finally gathered the strength to send them off. 

It still registered as one of the worst days of his life. And seeing her again now, after so many years- he wasn't the little child she remembered. Fuck, he certainly didn't let people call him a girl anymore, so that was a pretty big change. 

He hesitates, but the gentle smile that washes over her face when she sees him draws him closer again, right into her open arms. 

“Oh Vax'ildan, my brave boy,” she whispers, holding him close as a buries his head in her shoulder and lets out sob that shakes his entire frame. “My brave son, how I've missed you.”

Her voice is still so quiet, so gentle, it makes his heart ache. All the grief over leaving behind the two people he loves the most, knowing it's going to break them at least a little bit, of leaving his friends and family and a world that still had so much to give. It all becomes too much, and he clings to his mother for what feels like an eternity, as if afraid she would disappear the moment he lets go. 

She doesn't say much, only small reassurances, runs a hand through his hair and kisses his forehead as if he was still six years old and had just woken up from a nightmare. 

Eventually the tears come to a stop, leaving him feeling empty and wrung out. Who could have known that even in death, you could feel bone-tired. Still reluctant, he draws away from her, really looking at her face for the first time. 

“I don't know what's going on,” he admits, quietly, still afraid to destroy this place and moment in time somehow. 

Elaina reaches out with both hands and cups his face, wiping at the tears as he closes his eyes in shame. “None of that now,” she chides him gently. “Look at me, Vax'ildan.”

So he does, instantly searching her face for any disappointment or surprise or- any negative emotions, really. But he doesn't find any, all he sees is love and relief, tinged with the slightest bit of sadness. 

“Look at you, how you've grown,” Elaine whispers, her smile growing once more. “What a proud man you've become.”

“You don't- you don't mind?” he asks, almost too afraid to ask the question. “I mean, this-” he gestures down his body, “it's not exactly what you remember. None of it. How can you even recognize me?”

“A mother always recognises her children,” she tells him, matter of factly. “And what is there to mind? I'm just sorry I never got to know you like this, like you really were. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you at that time.” 

“I wanted to tell you, I swear,” he replies, already feeling another round of tears coming on, and for once wishing he wasn't quite this emotional. “When we left Syngorn, we tried to get back to you, and I would have told you, but we were too late.”

“I know darling, I know,” she assures him, and draws him a bit closer again. “But you weren't too late. If anything, I'm glad you and your sister weren't there that day. It meant that you were save. I wouldn't have changed that for anything.” 

Vax squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, trying very hard to keep it together. It's a lot, all of it. “I know,” he finally sighs. “I'm still sorry. For the longest time- a part of me wished we had died with you that day.”

“But you didn't, and look what you did with you life,” she answers with a smile. 

“Are you- are you proud?” There's something hopeful in his voice, right next to the pit of despair he's always carried with him when he asked himself that question. It was true that he often didn't care about people's opinion about himself, but that changed drastically when it came to his loved ones. Syldor he couldn't care less about, but his mother's opinion- well, all the times he'd asked himself if he would still be worth anything in her eyes, especially during his early transition or his time with the clasp, this time he would actually get an answer. 

“Oh silly, how could I not?” comes the immediate reply, and it lifts a weight from his heart he hadn't realized he still carried with him. Elaina finally takes a step back again, but reaches for his hand and starts to lead him over to the bench. “You said earlier that you weren't sure what was happening. The truth is, neither do I. But I do know that we are granted some time here. She promised she wouldn't take you away until you were ready.”

Vax didn't have to ask who his mother was talking about, they both knew without having to say the name out loud. He easily let her lead him to the bench though, and they both settled down there, just enjoying the peace and quiet for a little while. 

Elaina was the first to speak up again. “Now that I have you to myself for a little while, why don't you tell me a little bit about your life? I was only able to see so little of it.” 

Vax smiles slightly. “Where would I even start?” 

“Wherever you like, darling.”


End file.
